Brian Kiteley

Some of the subjects covered during Gamal’s hour of talk: the great friendship they will have; the difficulty Gamal has accepting Ib’s name—he prefers to call him Ibrahim; the movies of Kaleemt Ishtwud; the language of Arabic, which Gamal will make Ib speak like one good Arab Man, which Gamal says is the language everyone in the world knows; felucca rides on the Nile; the English language, the greatest language on earth, which Ib will teach Gamal to speak like on good English Man; this great beauty the singer Paula Abdul, but what is she a servant of (abdul means “servant of”) and how can we make her visit our house which we will build together near the Pyramids; the Pyramids, which Gamal feels one moment are the great monuments of the world we know, the next moment, garbage heaps, where bad people sell bad things that do not make Egypt look good; the right of a man to marry a woman for a few weeks, a very necessary right, men are much stronger and fairer this way, men grow beards more quickly, men walk in straight lines.

Gamal says, “Here’s a joke. Anwar el-Sadat sees an American oil geologist making his one allotted phone call from Hell. When he’s done, the American has to pay one million dollars for a five-minute call. Sadat is shocked and terrified. ‘Well, I’ll just talk for a few seconds,’ he says to himself. ‘I can’t afford much of anything these days.’ But Sadat, being Egyptian, of course gets carried away and talks for half an hour. When he hangs up he asks, fearfully, how much he owes. ‘Twenty-five piastres,’ the clerk says. ‘For half an hour! Why so little?’ Sadat asks. ‘It’s a local call,’ the clerk says.”

She turns to Gamal, all business. “I have spoken with the authorities. A driver will take you to the prison. The government say they have nothing to hide. But they do not apologize for keeping you waiting. You realize that you are being used. Your status as an outsider, yani, a member of a very small minority, as well as a Christian, is the only reason you’ve been called on to do this interview. You are expected to interview the prisoner, but you are also expected to twist his words and make him look ridiculous. We will not hold this against you. I am surprised they chose you. I am not surprised you accepted this assignment. You can’t resist this strange stage. Meet your driver in front of the hotel at midnight. He’ll recognize you. Your friend is welcome to join you if he wishes.”