Whiting Award Winners

There’s a man inside this woman, and he’s alive. But he can’t speak—she can’t speak—the face is peeled back, the skull empty, and now the cap of bone is being plastered back in place, and now the skin is being stitched shut. The autopsy is over—she’s closed, she’s done—and he’s still in there, with her, in another country, with the smell of shit and blood that’s never going to go away, and he’s not himself at all, he’s her, he’s Gloria Luby—bloated, full of gas, fat and white and dead forever.

My mother supports an agency that every week or so sends her a list of the world’s political prisoners who are known to be in immediate danger of their lives. She sits over a chunky Adler typewriter and composes polite pleas to jailors and torturers and killers on behalf of their victims. “In the name of liberty, of decency, Your Excellency…”

These petitions for pity and reason, strangled as they are by formality, necessarily without anger, she types on personal stationery of pale yellow or pale tangerine or aqua—the kind got at a pharmacy. Her bursitis makes the typing difficult, and the text is unevenly imprinted, since some of the keys have more bite than others, the way she works them. All the same, her handwriting is impossible.

A grotesquely fat woman lives in the farthest corner of the village. Her name is Matilde. When she walks to market, she must gather up her fat just as another woman gathers up her skirts, daintily pinching it between her fingers and hooking it over her wrists. Matilde’s fat moves about her gracefully, sighing and rustling with her every gesture. She walks as if enveloped by a dense storm cloud, from which the real, sylph-like Matilde is waiting to emerge, blinding as a sunbeam.

People did not know what she knew, that she was not really a woman but a man, often a fat man, but more often, probably, an old man. The fact that she was an old man made it hard for her to be a young woman. It was hard for her to talk to a young man, for instance, though the young man was clearly interested in her. She had to ask herself, Why is this young man flirting with this old man?

In that darkness,

Speakers rose like

Housing projects,

Moonlight diamonded

Mesh-wire panes.

What was it that bloomed

Around his curled

Body when the lights

Came up, fluorescent,

Vacant, garish?

The gym throbbed

With beats & rage

And his eyes darted

Like a man nailed

To a burning crucifix.

I saw inside the body of a man. The intern drew me

through the otherwise locked door; still in my hands

were eight glass vials the pharmacist had sent for,

to keep the glittering permanganate. That was my favorite task,

the weighing and dilution of the violet douche,

administered before the hysterectomies. In autopsy, he’d opened

like a box his arms had fallen from, neither looking at me

or away. As if he’d come through wind,

his hair was mussed. There was a funnel and a drain

inside the floor. And today I saw a sidewalk in the woods,

the handsome wooden cages and the smallest gravel pearls

smoothed around the bottoms of the trees, and then

a shock of feathers lifted on the damaged eagle’s head.

And the kestrel was afraid. Its open wing, so rarely looked down on

is gray, rust, black, and gray again, and black, and I have,

once today, felt my body drawn across its gaze. That one

with the vivid dragging wing, and then from underneath

I felt the other hovering.